How I overcame my insecurities to become the person I wanted to be, and so can you
Do you feel like you’ve been working on yourself for eons but aren’t seeing any tangible results? Did you amass all of the world’s awards, wealth, and consumerism yet feel like a fraud and imposter? Do you get the sensation of dreaming and manifesting, yet your dreams stay just that? Do you have the impression that everyone else has it but you? Then you’ve come to the correct place, dear reader. Someone in this world understands how you feel because she has been there and can help you get out.
For 33 years, I dreamed of changing the world, making a difference, and becoming the greatest. Meanwhile, my insecurities were dragging me down to the level of inferiority, victimhood, and powerlessness, leaving me dissatisfied, furious, and dejected. Worst of all, I was far too arrogant to accept that I had insecurities. Then, gradually and with commitment, I learned to overcome my anxieties, uncover and validate the fantastic person I am, and begin living the life of my dreams by following the steps I will detail below. Dear reader, with your free will, let us now reclaim control of your life.
Step 1: Stop normalizing negativity
The first step in my self-actualization path was admitting that I had been deceiving myself all along. According to the Bible, Satan is the author of confusion. Being confused is like living in a parallel universe of being unconscious, surrounded by illusions, without realizing it. Step one is the most challenging on the road from victim to superstar because the human mind is an intelligent trickster with all the skills to make you find excuses to normalize the mind prison you are living inside. Take a piece of paper and write statements that you frequently say to yourself that invite you to keep things as they are in your life rather than make significant changes. Let me inspire you with a few:
The trickster mind normalizes despiritness with following thoughts: “I do not know what to do in life, but it is OK as my husband makes a living, so I have a comfortable life,” “I hate my job, but it pays the bills and job is just a job,” “I constantly feel terrible, but it is OK. At least I have a life partner. My friends don’t even have that,” “I do not have THAT much anxiety; I can still function, right?”
No, it is not OK. There can be no excuse for any negativity in your life. As above, so below. When you normalize negativity in your life (micro), you directly contribute to the normalization of wars in the world (macro). No outside person, money gain, or pleasant scenario can be utilized as a “but” to mask your emotional deficiency. We have long normalized negativity through greed, hoarding wealth, egotism, self-serving, illness, and violence. You can eradicate all the negativity in your life today; for this, you must be honest and stop deceiving yourself.
Step 2: Leave the blame behind and start taking accountability
For me, overcoming my insecurities was like peeling the layers of a rotting onion, only to uncover more rot each time I thought I was done. I know that sounds thrilling, but if you stick with me here, I promise you the ultimate sensation, emancipation from your mental chains. The second stage in this path is to stop using other people’s or the outside world’s problems to explain your misery. Nobody can stop you from reaching your goals, and no one can give them to you. Only you have that kind of power. Nobody can offend, discredit, degrade, abandon you, or drive you crazy. Only you have the ability. Your child, spouse, friends, and other life partners are only “mirrors” that reflect your belief system about who you believe you are and what you think you deserve in life.
I sincerely admit that I have used former clients, coworkers, and people on the opposite side of my political spectrum to rationalize the root of all my ills. Sentences such as “They do not understand me,” “they do not give me what I deserve,” “they did not admit me,” and “they do not validate me” were the lingua franca of my victim-self. For each sentence you make where you blame the other person, I can make another sentence for you not to take accountability. Let me illustrate.
Insecure mind: “I am on my 20th revision with this insane client. Doesn’t she know that 2–3 is usually the maximum you can ask for? I am going crazy.”
Conscious mind: “Oh well, I messed up this time; I had to be a better planner. I had to put in our contract that the maximum revisions are two times.”
Because insecure people lack control over their lives, things “happen” to them. On the other hand, someone awake, conscious, and in charge of their life knows why things happen the way they do. You stop losing when you stop being insecure, and you either win or you learn. What aided me in my path was re-formulating my sentiments about blaming people from the standpoint of accepting accountability. Please give it a shot if you’ve never done it before. It’s similar to purgatory but without the necessity to die.
Step 3: Transcend your subconscious mind
Do you believe that the people and the monarch have the same education in a kingdom with one ruler and many governed? No way! Kings and other rulers have always had access to life’s mysteries, and spiritual and occult information kept hidden from the rest. The ruler’s strategy has always been to label these alchemical, magical self-transformation codes as witchcraft, bogus, or charlatan gibberish so that people fear being paired with them. That’s our biggest kept secret. The “Philosopher’s Stone” of alchemy is our power to transcend the information in our subconscious.
We all speak the same language regarding lack of confidence, insecurities, and despair across Europe, the United States, Russia, and Asia. What if I told you that your insecurities result from a black magic spell cast on you by your parents, society, and education and that you can break the spell by learning about the inner workings of your subconscious? Between 0 and 16, evil occurrences in your life created trauma; statements you heard from your family, siblings, and society established your belief system; and how your parents addressed you became your “character.” At the start of my subconscious cleanse education, my teacher required me to write five negative sentences I regularly heard from my mother and father (separately) while growing up. Here is my former subconscious map:
Mother: They are more affluent than us. All my investments flopped, women are inferior to men, and artists are poor.
Father: You are not that smart, but your brother is. Only size 0 women are beautiful. Everyone is stupid. You are not allowed to do this and that.
Little Pinar, who grew up hearing these sentences repeatedly, thought she was a poor artist, ashamed of her femininity. She thought she was fat and ugly, inferior to others, and needed to get permission to be. Do you see where I am going? Deprogramming ourselves from the ills of our parents and society is not easy, but once you get the gist, it is a fun journey. If you have never built a subconscious map, now is the moment! Pick up a pen and jot down five positive and negative statements you heard from your parents, and consider the correlations with the person you believe you are today!
Step 4: Validate your talents
I have been on my self-actualization journey for around ten years, with an intensity of five years. The more I liberate myself from my insecurities, the more my definition of why I am here changes. Right now, in September 2022, I think the meaning of life is to have fun while discovering your God-given talents and bringing them to life to serve others. I realize the more you enlighten, the less you speak, and the more you laugh, so if you ask me the same question in 10 years, I’ll probably reply with LOL :)
Before we get to the “Discovering your God-given talents” parts, before we get there, we first have to cover surrender, confess, take accountability, and assess in Steps #1, 2, and 3. If you completed them, I would like to salute you for your courage, as the most challenging part of the journey is behind us. As for Step #4, we will write down our talents on paper.
The secret to this practice is never to compare our talents to those of others. The Creator lavishes equal amounts of love and light on each of us. People deemed “more successful than others” validate their abilities more than others. Success is our ability to remove all insecurities and validate ourselves. Success is never about doing anything better than others; it is about discovering your heart’s desires and unconditionally uniting with them. I had an epiphany last week. Until now, I needed proof, like an Oscar, for me to validate my talent. But it’s only recently that I’ve realized that people who have won an Academy Award have already self-validated their abilities, which is why they got an Oscar. Kapawboom! (This was the sound effect of my epiphany). These are the talents that I validated:
My talents: Creative technologist, visionary, validating thought patterns with graphics, inspiring others, clear self-expression, talent scout, team leader
Now it is your turn! I would love you to freely express your talents. Please leave them as a comment to my article so than you let the whole world discover your genius :)
Step 5: Apologies from yourself and everyone whose hearts you have broken
Life is full of flaws when you live your life guided by your insecurities. Every individual becomes a potential offender, every meeting validates your inferiority, and every novelty causes new fear. When we are a sesspool of weakness, we always disappoint ourselves the most, and everyone around us reflects our dissatisfaction. Even if the person we see in the mirror has been with us the entire time, has been our best friend, and has been ripping their ass off simply to please us, we have refused to acknowledge them because insecurities have clouded our judgment.
In my journey to becoming the woman I always wanted to be, apologizing to myself and others served as a seal to validate that my vibration had shifted. I discovered that I would still have insecurities if I could not openly say, “I love you, I apologize, please forgive me, thank you,” and practice ho’oponopono (traditional Hawaiian reconciliation technique and forgiveness) to everyone that came my way. I’ve sent cakes, flowers, and greeting cards to several people, pleading for forgiveness for my past actions. And guess what? It works like a gem. All everyone wants is to be seen and understood. By apologizing, you are telling them that you recognize them. I learned that for conflicts to cease, one of the two opponents must fundamentally change the nature of their feelings, from reaction to solution and from attacking to unconditional giving.
If you want to find the secrets of the universe, think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration. — Nikola Tesla
Every fight is fought on an energetic level. All undertakings, discords, and celebrations begin in the etheric plane and then crystallize into the third dimension. At the heart of it all, if we want to end wars, we only need to cease the battles within ourselves. When we overcome our anxieties, we end the internal conflict. Everything is frequency, as Tesla said. When we enter the frequency of peace within, we begin to create peace outside.
Thank you, dear reader, for taking the time to read this article. When you engage with my words socially, this conscious worldview spreads to others, so thank you for subscribing to my channel on Medium and my mailing list for your regular dose of science and spirit.
With love, Pinar
